I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
