it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
