So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
