I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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