mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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