I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
