He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just gargled with NyQuil
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
