And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
