are you still at the devil's house?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
