On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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