K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
