I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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