Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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