You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
