you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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