you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
