just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
