I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
