I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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