If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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