I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its not stalking. its research.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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