You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
