He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I love having hate sex.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
