if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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