Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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