two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
