what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
