Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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