Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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