You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
