This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize