just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
