Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
