Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
