Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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