Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
