If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
