i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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