can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
