Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
