i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
