It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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