walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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