have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
