I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
