the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
