the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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