guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
