when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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