considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
