he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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