i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
