I cannot find my penis.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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