she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
