Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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