He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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