I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
