I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
