I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
