dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
