Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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