Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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