apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
