I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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