I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
